So here I am, still strugling in this dump. Everyday there's a tought of you. Everyday I hide it. Everyday thinking, should I be talking to you or not. Everyday telling myself to not think of the past because it's keeping me from living my life. I try, I try so hard to not think of the past. I'm sorry but I got to break my promises. I need to hate you, alot. I know it's wrong, but I can't move on. You fucking bastard.. My feelings for you are soo real, so strong, I just can't help but loving you. I swear I'm doing my best to forget you, but seeing couples make me think about you. Sometimes, the things I see reminds me of you, the places I go, the noises I hear. I know you go around fucking girls all you want. But still, I'm struggling between my love for you & everything else, the rumors, the friends, everything. Everything you do is part of your little game. Your soo soo very good at it that, you don't realise what your diong to yourself and everybody around you. People talking shit behind your back, people thinking wrong. Right now I'm actually turning everyone I know against you. I don't know what to do but wait, try living my life, without you pretending to watch over me. It's like, I need you to keep faking to me so I can live like a good human being. But at that same time I hurt myself asuming hating, hating myself even. WHAT EVER IT IS I DO I JUST GET HURT. Nothing's going to help me, befor you help yourself. Look at yourself, be honest to your self, judge yourself. Don't brag about yourself, don't judge yourself to make you feel better, judge yourself as if you wer a stranger to yourself. Judge yourself, think, look at how your life is, the way a stranger would see you. To make me better, you better help yourself. That's all it takes.. Stop being who you are now, start over. Don't think about the people critisizing you. Think about the people that would apreciate you. Everyone may know you, but look closer, deeper, ther is a whole bunch of people out there waiting for that better guy.. ...I fell inlove with a mask, I fell inlove with lies & false promises. I can't let go of it. So whatever happends to me right after I'm done righting this, remember that I still love you. Had sex with a stranger? It does'nt matter, I would still love you & you would'nt even care or notice it. I think that you only come to me, saying you miss me & bull, whenever you get caught, whenever another girl leaves you. Your just using me right now. I'm inlove with a fake, the type I hate the most..
..bitch, I cant get you off my mind.todays the 3rd day that i havnt spoken to you, im writting to tell you that i had a dream last night about you, and again , it actually touched me real hard.
well, like now, were at this status and still you came to visit me, people wer around so we acted like nothing was wrong. You & my friends wanted to suprise me. I ddnt really feel like saying anything.i was super shocked. You wer here for two days, you wer actually chill with Rachel. Ther was you, rachel, cindy, kathleen, mae and i. So we all went shopping with cindy and mae and we all actually had fun together.Eevryone knew that it was over between us. Ther was this time where you wer bugging me and everyone was laughing, till i accedently shouted " baby ". Everyone then just sat there and stared.so yea we wer all at some food place then you just left, no goodbye, bye, nothing. so i followed you.we all ended up at being in some auditorium.i hen passed by you and that was really akwerd. you wer with a friend of yours. i sat in the back starring at you.all of a sudden this big guy starts something, started bullying me. and i was so tromatised by everything happening around me that i shed a tear. i knew you wer there so i tought youd be there to defend me like how i wished things would be. but no you wer just ther talking to your friend.then i fell, and everything stopped.you wernt even there anymore. then i knew everything was over, thats how we last spent our time, so i wanted to go home. whene i got to the bus stop , my friends wer there, they wer talking about something and they seemed soo happy.so i asked and this girl showed me some bracelet. .. go figure, you wer the one that gave it to her.. that broke me soo bad, i ran away, as far as i could. and thats where i woke up crying.
just to say, i can't live without you. It feels like everythings against me, the numbers 2 and 7 are everywhere. it maybe just the first 3 days. but man.. its hard to knowing you wont talk to me anymore. knowing you lost feelings for me. the only thing that keeps my hopes up are the fact that we're eachothers first love. i believe you for that.. also that we promised eachother that we'd live the rest of our years together and would be together the last seconds of our lives. ilystill. - ysd
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**OKAY READERS LISTEN UP. k nevermind the whole me being his first love thingmajiger. So like ein? wtf, that night we wer havint that big discussion about us not trying anymore, i asked if i was and he was like yes. soo like . ein you kno. ahh entoukaaaa
- have a good day.
